I can't go out

I also have depression and anxiety, specifically social anxiety. I find that I am able to get out and about on work days - I just get on and do it without much anxiety. But on my days off I don't want to leave the house or see people. I have just talked about this with my CBT psychologist and and now even more anxious because she wants me to practise socialising. I feel like I'm on 'alert' now with a low to medium level of panic even when I am not doing anything because I am anticipating having to leave my comfort zone. The big thing I am dreading is a cousin's wedding in July and also a 'retreat' day with colleagues in June. I might manage the latter but can't face the wedding. Today I was off work and made myself leave the house. I went to the park and read my book for a while, and fed the ducks and geese. This is typically how it goes on my days off: I stay in bed for as long as possible, not sleeping but reading. Then I have an awkward few hours in the middle of the day before the evening comes and I feel relieved that the day is almost over. This is no way to live my life. I am 36 and single. I don't see my friends very often and feel that my life is getting more and more restricted. I have hope that the CBT will help but I am scared of it too! I have been thinking of asking my GP for propanolol but worry that this will 'mask' the issue rather than make me confront it. Well, I will see how the CBT goes and let you all know.

Hi Minnie,
It was a surprise to me when this thread openned that there were so many people who were experiencing the same challenge.
One of the great things about this thread is that there are great people like elliet, fruitiloop, anxiousiwas & echidna66 who have been coping with this for differing periods of time. They have been really constructive in their support and sharing their experience - which I have found helpful.
The added bonus with social anxiety is that going out to the dr's or to a support group is a hard ask when you have trouble getting past the front door. Go figure. That's why the internet is such a blessing.
Ninawolf, you are at a different step to me. I would be shit scared of practicing socialising.

I make apologies for weddings and excuses for "retreat days". Interacting with work colleagues is OK for me as long as I don't have to talk about non-work things. Good luck with both of these events.
Let us know how you go on propanolol (if you don't mindy me being nosey). I have been prescribed it - but did not give it a fair go. I have stuck with benzo's that address panic when it is occuring rather than preventing it. I am a bit scared to change the basis on which I am functioing.
The one thing I would recommend is letting your friends know why you are not social. My affliction extends to me not wanting to answer the phone or converse too much - and my friends are far more understanding know when I am "off the air".
I have been having a good stint - have not missed a working day for 3 weeks and I have had another work trip that was not anxious except for a near panic attack at an airport.
I hope everyone else is doing well.
drussell

Hi Ninawolf,
Thanks for your words and advice. My dog is the most social aspect of my life at the moment and we have been going out for a walk each morning for about an hour. This is helping I think.
drussell

Drussell! Good to hear you are doing so well! I am too.. getting better everyday... slowly, but steadlily. Much better to have a near panic attack than a proper one, right? I haven't had a panic attack since last August, which is GREAT - I am happier, even though I still can't do everything that I want to do. But I am getting there - and it seems you are too. So, great news

Minnie - unfortunately, the only way to get over anxiety is to face your fears.. BUT, do it very slowly, one tiny step at a time. If you can't go out at all, just sit by the window and look outside, until you get used to it. If you feel anxious just by looking through the window, but the anxiety is manageable, just let it happen, don't try to stop it. If you let this anxiety happen, it will get to the worst point it can get, and it will go. Do it by the window until you don't feel anxious any more, as many times as you need to. Next step would be to open the door, and so on. Just small steps at a time. Don't throw yourself into a crowd and expect to deal with it like that - that's not gonna work. It has to be slow and in tiny steps. That is what works.

Good vibes to you all!

Thank you very much AnxiousIWas and DRussell67. I wonder how to explain to people about social anxiety? I am slowly 'coming out' to people that I suffer from depression and it's a relief; most people take it OK although there are some who seem to think it will 'clear up' in a few weeks like it's the 'flu. I need to find some way to explain to my cousin why going to his wedding will be a nightmare for me - without offending him. It seems like a cop out because I've been to his siblings weddings. But I feel that the symptoms of social anxiety have been getting worse over the past few years. I know logically that the best thing to do is confront my fears but it seems so hard. So I suppose what I am asking is this: how do you explain your social anxiety to your friends and family?
Thanks for any advice received. Oh, I am unsure about trying propanolol but will discuss it with my psychologist next time I see her. I suspect she will see it as a 'crutch' that won't help in the long run and maybe even as a backwards step. I take paroxetine for depression.

Hello all,
I haven't interacted in the forums for a little while and was amazed & comforted to see that this thread is still going.
If it is of help to anyone, I find that if I make an appointment that will be the thing that gets me out the door at the weekend. If I don't then I will always opt for the easier/safer option of staying indoors having used up all my willpower to get work & back Mon to Fri.
A couple of weeks ago I made it out on a Sat to get my hair done & to a small supermarket. This w.end I have reserved cinema tickets for my partner & I so again we have a fixed time that we need to leave home & a specific place to be.

Hope that might be of help to others.
Best of luck to you all.
One day at a time.
E x

Hi elliet,
It sound like this is a very good way to get you out a bit on weekends... I have been arranging things to do like that for months now, and it became so easy to go out. I am always trying to find more and more things to do, so that I stay more out than in on weekends
Keep it up!

Minnie, I just told people around me how I felt - if they get it, fine, if they don't, than it is their problem. The fact that I told them that I had a problem, makes it easier to let it out when I felt bad. So if I felt like lying on bed for days, I would just do it - if they asked anything, I would just say I was not well and I had to lie down - leave me alone!! lol. In the past, quite a few times I would arrange to go out with a few friends, to the cinema, for example, and when the time came, I could not do it because I felt panicky. So I would just call and say "I am having a panic attack and I can't go out - enjoy yourselves" - and that's it. I stopped caring if they would start thinking that I was weird etc. In the end, I lost some "friends", but there were those that kept on calling now and then to see how I was, if there was anything they could do. Some would come to see me instead of going out. So I still have the good friends, and the others I would just think that they were not friends at all to start with, or just too scared (ignorant) to keep in touch. Who wants those kind of people around???

Good luck!

Hi Friends,
there have been a lot of wotrk trips and a few no-go days.Aa bit of tight roap walking. I hope you are all doing better than I
Best Wishes
drussell

Hello everyone!
Sorry to have been absent for so long. I have been on the road to recovery and, quite honestly, found it too painful to come back here.
If any of you are still around I would so love to hear from you. Please send a private message if you would rather.
Hold on tight everyone, it really does get better with the right treatment. I have now been on antidepressants since February with 2-monthly medication reviews at my GP's surgery.
Love and light to you all
And thank you to those of you who were there for me during those dark difficult months of winter.
Please do be in touch.
elliet xxx

Hi All,
I have been venturing out a fair bit but in a very stressed state. Sometimes I think social anxiety is harder to deal with that BPD. Hope everyone is going well

Hi Drussell,
Delighted to see that you are still around Would love to keep in touch. If you would like to also, please send me a private message.
I hope this weekend is a GOOD one for you.
Love and light,
E x