Travel anxiety

Hi everyone

I'm going for a weekend away with my family this weekend and I am so, so anxious about this. The bit I'm most anxious about is the journey down by car, if we were going down by train I would be feeling a lot happier right now but we're not (going by car is cheaper for all four of us than buying four train tickets). Some of the worse panic attacks I've had in my life have been in cars (as a passenger, I'm a nervous driver to and consequently never did pass my driving test) and yep, I know from my CBT that the very fear of a panic attack is one of the most likely things to cause a panic attack, so now as well as feeling very anxious, I'm now kicking and hating myself for thinking / feeling this way and I'm also feeling increasingly lonely because there is absolutely no one in my life (other than you guys) I can tell that I'm feeling this way. My husband just does not get mental heath issues (and as far as I'm concerned has not spent that much time trying to 'get' mental health issues - but that's a whole different issue) and I don't really have any friends, not friends I know well enough to talk about this with anyway. So the prospect of a simple car trip has now not only bought on heap loads of anxiety, it's bought on self loathing and loneliness, great.

And you know the worse thing about this, this trip was my idea, sigh. You see my family are complete stay at home bodies, so if we're ever to go anywhere 99% of the time I have to instigate it and I do because as a mum I don't think it's a good idea to stay at home all the time and also for my own mental health to, I need to get out because just as the prospect of a weekend away can reduce me to a puddle of anxiety, if I spend too much time trapped in the house, I'm climbing the walls in boredom.

I've written here before on other threads that I am in a lot better control of my panic attacks now than I used to be because I've learnt that if I can figure out an escape route, I'm a lot calmer, so I can be in a situation that is making me anxious and as long as I literally know where the exit is, I'm fine (most of the time). But the thing with car journeys is that there is no exit, I'm trapped in a tiny vehicle for a long period of time, I'm not driving so I have no control and I hate it. Also I have a phobia of throwing up, not just me but being near other people who are throwing up and guess what? Both my children can be very travel sick (if I were doing this car journey without my children I would still be anxious but not to such a degree). My son also has an anxiety disorder and also dislikes car journeys, although he is now a lot better at coping with them, although unfortunately the two things we've introduced to make him feel better don't work with me and in fact one of the things we've introduced, swapping seats with me, so he now sits at the front and I sit at the back, has made him feel better and me worse. Also, I've come to realise over the years, that my anxiety always gets worse when I'm near other people in a state of heightened anxiety (an interesting aside - I used to work in a job where I was in 1 to 1 situations with different people, I was fine in this job most of the time expect for with one specific client, who herself was a very nervous person, at the time I hadn't figured out the link between other people's anxiety and my own and it was really getting to me, why every time I saw this particular client, by about half way through every hour session my stomach would start churning and I would be feeling worse and worse so that by the end of the session I would literally be bolting out of the room). So, anyway, if my son is anxious about the car journey it will make my anxiety worse.

At the moment I am waiting for a face to face assessment appointment after an unsuccessful phone assessment appointment which resulted in the therapist recommending I went on a stress reduction course (which I refused to go on, I've attempted to do the course before and it was hell). I've been warned that it will take a long time for the assessment appointment to come up and even when I do get the appointment it may very well result in them again recommending I do the stress reduction course. Other than about a 6 month period a few years ago when I was on low dose anti depressants, I've never taken medication, for me personally (I know that everyone is different) I believe that my depression and anxiety have definite root causes from past events in my life (even my car anxiety has a definite root I can identify from my childhood) which needs more help from a good therapist instead of just drugs but I'm getting tired of fighting this, I would give anything just to go on a weekend away with my family and enjoy it. But I've left it too late haven't I to get medication to get me through the weekend and I've been in this position before where I've thought more seriously about asking for medication just prior to an event that is making me highly anxious and then I get past the event and I revert back to thinking I just need a good therapist. I don't know.

So, any suggestions are much appreciated. I think my big problem with cars right now is that over the years I have developed coping mechanisms with life in general but unfortunately 99% of my coping mechanisms I've developed don't work, for various practical reasons, in cars. So I'm open to new ideas.

Hi Minty!

That sounds a lot like me in August last year!!

I also booked this trip, two and a half hours away from home - booked hotels, tickets for a water park (kids really wanted to go there). When the day came, I just wanted to die. The night before I just called my husband to our bedroom, locked ourselves in there and told him I was feeling like shit, I was simply having a permanent panic attack - it just wouldn't go. He brought my boxing gloves to try and get the stuff out of me (sounds funny now, but it does help sometimes, just punch, punch, punch) - but it didn't work that time. I just wanted to give up there and then - BUT, I didn't want to disappoint my kids. This is the day I did this drawing http://anxiousiwas.wordpress.com/2011/1 ... g-trapped/

It took me a very long time to manage to get to sleep, and I woke up with the same panic attack - sweating, shaking, that rush of adrenaline going around the whole body, the world seemed like a completely different place, dizziness, pressure on my head, I felt horrible. But I did go. My husband drove all the way (I couldn't get on trains either - worse than cars for me).

The hotel was a "theme hotel" - for kids, you see? - and all the decorations in there made it feel much smaller than it probably was. I felt like I was trapped in there. I felt horrible most of the time. I felt more or less ok when we were at the water park itself - swimming is one of my favourite things, so that was ok. Not great, but ok. Meal times were awful, the restaurants were packed, crowded and I just wanted to run away from myself, and from there. But I stayed there for the kids.

I also remember that I was terrified of the dark at that time (panic brings more panic, which brings more panic... and it goes on) so night time was awful too. Darkness was just the icing in the panic cake.

After I endured a second day there, I asked my family if it was ok for us not to sleep there a second night. They were all ok with that. We stayed at the water park all day, and left before it got dark. (I wanted to get home before night time).

Kids were happy that they went to the water park, they didn't mind leaving a bit early since the beds were not that comfortable, and breakfast was bad too, so we didn't miss much.

That was the LAST panic attack I had in my life. Since then I have been recovering really well. I do have a GREAT therapist, and it helps that my family is also great. I have always explained to my kids how I felt, so they know how things are when I had panic attacks, or when I couldn't do this or that. I still can't do everything, but I can drive now, I can go in lifts, I can go to the theatre, crowded places are not a problem anymore. There are still bits and bobs that I need to work on (such as plane and train travel, drive long journeys), but I am getting there.

I would say that the way to cope when you are in the car is: when you feel a panic attack coming up, breathe slowly, concentrate on what's reality in front of you (your husband, kids, the car, the road) and KNOW that the panic/anxiety is going to go. Let it come, don't try to fight it, don't try to make it go away, because that is what causes it go grow. If you let it come, and become as bad as it can get (you will survive, and it will get to a point where it won't get worse), then it will go. It may come back quite a few times, but if you do this every time, it will become less and less powerful. BELIEVE ME - this works. The hard thing (and hard here sounds like a really weak word) is that we need to go through it. There isn't one thing that will make it go away instantly, unfortunately. You do need to face your fear, but with the right attitude.

I would recommend a website for you to have a look at, where there is a lot of information about this problem and how to overcome it. The address is:
http://www.anxietynomore.co.uk/

I really hope this helps! I know exactly how you feel right now.

Feel free to send a private message or reply here asking any questions you may have.

I am getting out of this, and I am sure you can do it too.

Good Luck!

Hi I too used to have travel anxiety - anything that took me away from home overnight! I developed irritable bowel which when I got anxious was terrible and made things even worse! I had a panic attacks and almost never wanted to leave the house. My doctor recommended a psychiatrist who was brilliant and I was very lucky. We discovered the root cause of my anxiety was being sent away to boarding school when I was ten. A very traumatic time for me, which has left a sort of circuit in my brain that is set off every time anything remotely like that event occurs. When my psychiatrist had found out more about me he found the right antidepressants for me and after a couple of weeks it was like I had been set free. My life changed completely, I can go away and enjoy myself - I even went to New York last year and absolutely loved every minute. I still have anxious moments and bouts of depression but nothing like I used to. I am a firm believer in the drugs because of my experience. You' d take something for a headache wouldn't you? That's what they are there for to give you a hand when you need one. I for one am resigned to being on them forever - luckily don't suffer from side affects now. The other thing is you need to talk about it - it does really help x

Hi Minty,

you're probably on your 'Catch 22' weekend break now? I've had terrible travel anxiety over the last number of years, and it's increasingly got worse. I've become a bit of a standing joke in my local travel agents, (I can think of 2). I'll book holidays in a burst of enthusiasm and then almost instantly regret it; I've just lost £436 on a holiday I felt to mentally exhausted to go on. I didn't have travel insurance because I figured they wouldn't pay out because I have a history of depression.
My problem is I feel too lonely and isolated to want to go anywhere on my own anymore; I've done it too often. Thailand's the only place I can go where I don't feel isolated and marginalised because of my physical disability.

Bartleby