HERE IT IS AGAIN

When is it going to stop, I woke up this morning in a terrible state, very weepy, very low, absolutely miserable.
I am sick and tired of having a good week then all of a sudden depressed again.
Today I am jealous about my husbands job, he gets to travel all over the country, and here I am stuck indoors with the washing and hoovering usual shite.
I would love to have the life we once had, I used to make everyone happy always laughing and smiling, now I just make everyones life a misery.
I thought about leaving my husband today, he would be much happier not worrying about me all the time, and my daughter, as soon as she woke up this morning, there I was full of doom and gloom. God I hate my life again, hate everyone, got no one to talk to, nothing to look forward to, I am knackered, bones and joints hurting, just thought I would put things into words to see if it helps, dont think it does. : (

So sorry, things are not good, have been there, still go there but not for as long and not as often. Today for me too was a bad day, could hardly get out of bed I ached so much (mine is affected so much by my hormonal cycles and my age too). Please keep writing here and "talking" to us all, keep asking for help, I was so lucky with my doctors and my friends who let me ramble on. Thinking of you and hoping you feel better soon xxxx

hi there, have you talked to your GP about these mood changes, it might help you to get some medication to level you out. I hope your mood picks up again soon.
we have all been there, in this forum, so know that "picking your self up" is not a helpful thing to say or a practical thing to do.
Is your hubby understanding and supportive throughout this ?

Thanks for your replys, I have been backwards and forwards to my G.P for years, but because we move a lot ( husband in the army ) I keep having to change my doctors, so have to start the process all over again, I have been to the first appointment at the mental health hospital, lots of tears and talking, was told I would be put on Mirtazapine, but not told where to go for them, left the hospital feeling confused and drained, I will see my G.P on tues to see what happens next.
My poor poor husband, I have burdended him so much, and he just does not know what to do, I keep pushing and pushing and one day I think I am going to push to far, he has asked what he can do to help, if I knew the answer to that I could help myself.
Thoughts of wanting to not be here come back every two weeks, and I am convinced the majority of what I am feeling is hormornal, I have no friends here, I hate where I live, I had to give my job up because of this depression and back problems.
So stuck in a rut at the moment, still not doing well today phoned the crisis line attached to the hospital, what a waste of time that was, no compassion, no direction, no nothing......oh well I will just plod on as per normal and hope I get through the day.

hopefully this place can offer you some comfort as people will have been through similar circumstances to yourself. It sounds like its a waiting game at the moment, surely when you move areas you could get a discharge type letter to give to your new GP so you dont have to start again from scratch, which just sounds wrong to me.

I feel so much when people don't get the help and support I did from my doctors, mental health team etc. Everyone should be entitled to the support and it makes me so sad and angry when they don't. It is hard when you have to move around but as bikerhazel says, surely they can write you a letter to take with you. Don;t be afraid to ask for these things, sometimes it is the only way, I know it can be hard but you are worth it! Hope you are feeling better today too xxxx

Due to go back to work tomorrow after being off four months. I'm scared of how I'm feeling, meds not working and scared of going to work feeling like this, scared i'll be sacked, scared my workmates will think I'm crazy. I need hrlp but think my DR is fed up with me . Dont know where to turn for help.

go to your dr and tell them you need help and you need help now please will you help me.

Ginger, I hope it went ok today for you. I was terrified of going back to work after my breakdown, we had a fund raising event the week before and I went upstairs to my office and my heart was racing and felt giddy, horrible. It did get better though, it was just getting over that first hurdle. Do persist with your doctors, the first one I saw just gave me tablets and told me to go away and get better (tablets made be violently sick after just one) so I went back and saw another one who was fantastic and have stuck with him ever since, he arranged my therapies and support and knew where to get them. Don't give up, there are some good GP's out there. My workmates did not think I was crazy and were actually really supportive once they understood what was going on. There will always be some that aren't but you would probably be surprised if you knew how many of them experienced symptoms themselves. One of my closest work colleague used to come with me on banking runs in her lunch hour until I was able to go alone and brought in rescue remedy and calming teas for me, the other actually was in therapy and on medication herself so we compared notes!