triggers- selfishnesss- all about me-not my fault -where my

I'v been holding it together fairly well the last few days... gone out despite the anxiety i know it will bring me... stopped smoking , not felt stressed over that... so i'm listening to radio, they start to talk about chemical castration...for sex offenders ... and there goes the trigger.... bang
the assault on me that triggered my latest episode was not sexual ... but it felt ever bit as bad... i was pinned down by a man twice my weight a man who represented the law ... a man who was at my home on a concern for welfare call... who half nelson ed me in my own lounge while i screamed and his partner watched doing nothing... then they lied about it... their coluges covered up.. fuck it ...
i know i will 1 day learn to live with it ... i live with it everyday... but will i ever have closure ? when i know they have not had to answer to their wrongs ... not taken the blame for their mistakes their shame and leaving me and my friends & family having to cope & deal with how it has affected me & them as a result... always with the thought in mind that they could do it to someone else another day, someone who doesn't cope with their condition the dark days, the memories that plunged them into depression when it wasn't their fault as well as i think i do...
i just wonder will it ever go away... i bin assaulted in the past... in different ways been used and abused i blamed my self for putting myself in the situation where i was vulnerable...
these ppl who have abused me this time worked for the government ... my tax pays their wages ... they continue to work and the judicial system denied me a fair trial ... am i selfish cos it always comes back to what happened to me... no i am not... what they did... could have been done to others ... they have a duty of care ... i was at the time a vulnerable person... i still am as a result of their actions and behaviors suffering everday... i perused it not just be-cos of what its done to me but because i represent 1 in 4 people and living with the idea that my failure to bring them to trial knowing the risk that poses to others is another living guilt to me everyday i have to live with ... wondering yeas ... wheres my closure why can't i have justice and peace of mind when i did nothing wrong other than have a history of mental health & depression to be used against me.

Junei,
Very sorry for you after reading your story. Abuse by any person is a crime, your abusers should be punished however, the services take care of themselves unless you can prove the event.
No it's not your fault, you have quite a few issues to cope with and should not be dealing with it on your own.
Can you seek help from GP, who may offer you counciling and mabey
Meds to help with the stressful situation you are in.
Im unable to offer any help dealing with the law, but please go to GP and get some help now.
Keep talking to us on this site it will be a release valve for you.
Yes having a mental illness does give us a label, disgusting isn't it.
I don't feel I've given you very much help and I'm sorry for that, perhaps somebody else on this site can offer better advice.
Let me/us know how you get on please.
Best of luck to you. xx