Ruby is away at the moment performing her new one-woman show Lost It in South Africa. As she's doing her bit for raising awareness for mental health issues through comedy, we decided to give her a week off.
So we've taken a dip in the archive and here's what has proved to be one of Ruby's most popular blog posts so far: I get by with a little help from my friends.
Ok if I can’t say it here, I can never say it, I feel the pitter patter of a depression coming on. I can sense it before it actually swamps me because for the past 3 years I’ve been studying mindfulness just for this eventuality. I sit daily for about 20 minutes watching the workings of my mind and the awareness itself brings a sense of ease because you actually experience that thoughts aren’t solid facts. And with that in mind you learn to let go of panics, worries, fears about the future knowing these thoughts will only lead to depression.
Mindfulness is like checking your internal weather conditions and so I’ve come to the realisation it’s starting to rain in my brain. This mindfulness brings with it an early warning system. I know something isn’t right in me because those negative thoughts have reared their heads which means chemicals like cortisol (linked with depression) have begun to flow. I can tell because I’m starting to compulsively make lists and they never end no matter how much I do in a day.
My body feels like it is on red light alert for danger and of course there is no real danger, it’s just my thoughts that are dangerous taunting me, abusing, me criticising me telling me I’m going to fail, lose, get caught. This is the stuff of depression. Those thoughts are depression.
It is so agonising on your own because you think your friends don’t want to know and who are we to suffer when the rest of the world has it much worse. I am glad we now have Blackdogtribe.com to share these feelings of fear, isolation, shame with our like-minded Tribers.