About five years ago I had the tsunami of depressions. I always had something wrong as a child; no one knew what it was. I didn’t feel sad as the name of the illness suggests, simply flat-lined, dead, my mind erased. I would lie for days on end in a kind of awake coma.
My mother, who was miserable through most of her life, was told by the doctors she was fine, just having a change of life. Yeah, for the last 87 years? I’m told if you don’t treat depression and you have more than three episodes it will reoccur and get deeper and longer each time.
Five years ago I couldn’t leave a chair for weeks on end, everything was too terrifying, so I just stayed glued in my chair. I felt everything inside my room was dangerous, especially the shower. When I was finally told I had depression, I was so relieved at last I could find a pill to help me. Later I found out it’s not so easy finding the right medication and/or therapist. To find the right one is like winning the jackpot in Vegas. No one knows what a good shrink is supposed to do and on top of it if you’re ill, you really can’t judge if someone is just sitting there, bluffing. I once had a shrink who fell asleep behind me with a corned beef sandwich hanging out of his mouth. I took his silence as profound knowledge. As far as medication it’s another crap shoot and they’re handed out like candy at Halloween.
We are in the dark ages when it comes to mental illness and the government is spending less and less on it. In five years when criminality, diabetes, certain cancers, suicides and money lost in business because of absenteeism goes up so high it’s off the chart, let us remember it all stems from the mothership, the brain. And if they don’t spend money on researching this vital organ there will be hell to pay.
Everyone is affected by mental illness not just those who suffer, not just their care-givers but all of society. This is why I have started Blackdogtribe.com. So you can meet like-minded people online to stop feeling so alone and ashamed which is part of the package that comes with mental illness. You can come on anonymously but someday I hope we can all form a large group, get a voice and do something to fight the discrimination.